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Acts 3:12a, 13-15, 17-26, I John 5:1-6, John 20: 19-31
St. Stephen's Episcopal Church, West Valley City, UT
The Rev. W. Lee Shaw
I am not a “fixer-upper.” For me, if it cannot be readily fixed by a hammer, pliers, a screwdriver or duct tape, well it just doesn't happen. So as I watched various folks working at my little kitchen project, I have been so impressed with their lack of hesitation, lack of fear, in cutting that piece of expensive wood just right, drilling into the wall so surely. Just doing it. Had it been me, I would have been thinking about it for many minutes, walk away, re-measure, think some more, then very cautiously do it. And then probably get it wrong. In actuality, my fear of getting it wrong will generally assure that I get it wrong.
Today we meet the disciples again and their fear has assured them that they got it wrong. They are locked behind heavy doors. Afraid. Alone. Unsure. After all they were through, they still got it wrong, again. They hide behind walls of fear and doors of anxiety. Seeking their own company despite what they have heard others tell them. As a friend wrote:
Who could believe a crazy woman
or a couple who had gone home
instead of into hiding?
Locked in a room
with our own kind
we know our own truth. (Ann Fontaine)
But Jesus comes to them through their fears, through their uncertainty, through their isolation. “Peace be with you.”
He accepts them where they are, afraid and unsure. He does not deem them unworthy of him because of their very human fears. He does not dismiss them because of their inability to rally in the face of events. He still sees them as worthy instruments for his purposes and gives them his peace to strengthen them.
But one of them is not there, Thomas is out doing other things. Perhaps Thomas was the only one who was brave enough to venture out into the city, to face the Romans and the religious leaders who had betrayed and killed their teacher. Thomas may well have been the most brave of the bunch since he was not behind doors locked in fear.
But Thomas, the practical one of the twelve, just can't understand or accept what he is told by the others. It is not lack of faith, now it is a different, very real fear that is blocking him. He had the courage to go back out into the city and face those who had killed Jesus. But now he is afraid to give his heart again to be hurt.
As one writer noted: “I have always felt that we are witnessing here is the response of a person who is very far from being a doubter. I see Thomas as the opposite: a deeply committed believer whose belief has been wounded and broken by the events of previous days. I see him as the kind of person who, when he makes a commitment to someone or something, makes a total commitment. He had committed himself to Jesus a few years before, and has stayed with him through thick and thin. Now his heart is broken by the ghastly death of Jesus, his world is collapsed, and he is determined never to give his heart to anything again, never to trust life again, never to give his love again. But when our Lord stands in front of him, Thomas gives himself totally once more. Ironically nicknamed the doubter, he is actually the classic believer. He wants to believe, needs to believe, must believe.” (Herbert O'Driscoll)
There is some of Thomas in each of us: in matters of faith, in matters of love, in matters of trust. We give ourselves fully but when hurt, we draw back. Not out of doubt, but out of fear.
The opposite of faith is not doubt, it is fear. The word “fear” is listed in the New Testament 91 times. “Fearful” 31 times. The term “without fear” only twice.
The opposite of faith is fear. I believe that is one reason why throughout scripture we have angels, messengers, even God saying: “Fear not” or “Do not be afraid.” When we are afraid we cannot hear what the angels sing to us about the birth of a baby. When we are afraid we cannot trust ourselves to give our love, our heart to another person or to God. When we are afraid we cannot hear what the Spirit is saying to us about the love of God for us. When we are afraid we cannot hear what the angel says to us at an empty tomb.
May we hear again the words of the angel to the women at the tomb and to us:
“Do not be afraid. He is risen.
Come and see. Now go, tell others.
And remember, he has gone on ahead and is waiting for you.
You will see him there.”